I’m back (and so is ana)

so my job is a nightmare and nothing seems to be going right for me at the movement and I just want it all to come to an end, but unfortunately that is not how my life works. I’m going to push through everything and I am now controlling my eating due to ana making an appearance as I have been really ill recently. Hopefully this means that I will be able to eat less food. 

I have capped my allowance at 1000 and next week it will be down to 800 again and hopefully I can control it and restrict even further until I don’t eat very much at all. 

I feel very controlled and really good about myself as I don’t eat very much at the moment, and I am looking forward to be able to lose weight for next summer. 

More bonespo...

I won't stop trying to lose weight until my body is as skinny as this...

Beachspo...

I don't believe what people say when they decide that 'every body is a beach body'...
There is a reason that I don't wear a bikini on the beach and that is because there is most definitely an unwritten rule. That rule is 'don't wear a bikini on the beach unless you are skinny'...
Which is true, no one on the beach wants to see a fat woman next to a skinny one, no matter how attractive they are. For me, I choose to stay away from shorts and bikini's because I don't want people reacting that way and being disgusted at having to see my half-naked body.

This is one of my reasons for longing to lose weight - so that I can look like the people below and show off my bikini-clad body to everyone who can see when I have lost all the weight.

I am back (again) and ready to lose weight...

I have become so fat and no amount of exercise or healthy eating is helping me to lose weight.... I hate my body so much and I really need to lose weight.

I am planning on intermittent fasting from 8pm to 12pm, which is 16 hours and means that the window I have to eat in will be filled with small meals, which will always come to under 1000 calories.
As I have eaten at 9pm tonight, I will be fasting until 1pm tomorrow, but the longer I can fast - the better.

I graduate in a month and a half, but I really wanted to be 40lbs lighter than I am now and I had hoped that I would lose weight by eating healthily and being good with food. But instead, it appears as though I am going back to my old ways and eating less calories with lots more exercising. Hopefully, I can lose 40lbs quickly, as I have a new job in September and want to make a good impression on my colleagues. 

Reasons to lose weight:

- To look good in a dress (see below) - for events and my job.

- To feel more confident in myself

- To wear a bikini on the beach and not have to cover my body up with baggy clothes because I am too fat to show my body off.

I just want to be happy with my body and losing weight will definitely do that.

Fasting...

I have been fasting for 20 hours now and I feel so empowered. I am in control. I can do this. Only 4 hours left and I will have been fasting for a whole day again. I am getting back into my old ways of preventing myself from eating and I know I have the power to control this and get through it. Looking at thinspo is really helping me to concentrate on not eating and thinking about what my goals are. I am going to exercise tonight after I have eaten my dinner.

I love knowing that I am in control of this and that I can do this.

Just a few of my favourite motivational quotes

I am going to look like this one day, I promise that to myself everyday. But as my last quote says, 'don't tell people, show them' and I am going to. No matter what.

Stay strong and skinny my lovelies!
xx

After a long time... Thoughts.

I have not posted in ages, because I have been going through some personal things that have prevented me from posting. I have put on like 7lbs since the last time I posted, which is so disgusting, because fasting was really starting to help me to lose weight. That is why tomorrow I am fasting all day and after that I am going to eat small lunches of crackers and fruit. My dinners will be nibbled and thrown away, because I cannot do this to myself anymore. I was looking at old photos of myself the other day and it has occurred to me that I have been this fat for most of my life and I will not stand for it. I cannot let myself get down because I have apparently 'lost' the genetic lottery. That is not how it works, if I work for it, it will happen. I have gained weight and I will hate myself forever over it, but I am going to work for this from now on!.

 I want to look like this girl, with her thigh gap and skinny arms and body. I would die for this body.

I will definitely get my collar bones, my ribs will stick out and my thin thighs.