Bikini Thinspo

I have been feeling a lot of negative feelings towards my body recently and I hate it so much. My thighs are huge and my boobs have grown larger than they have been for a few years. I cannot wait to lose more weight.
I am fasting every other day and I am trying to eat less than 800 calories on the days that I do eat, so I am still boosting my metabolism and trying to eat something so I don't lose too much too quickly.
In a few months, I am going on holiday and I intend to go swimming and sunbathe. So I need to be thinner. This is why I am restricting more.

This is Bikini thinspo....

Retro Thinspo

I have been obsessed with the 1950s/1960s recently, so I thought I would share some of that thinspo with you.

I do not condone eating disorders, this blog is just to help me make sense of my thoughts and feelings.

I just want to be skinny, is that too much to ask?

I am heavier than I was a few months back and I couldn't be more embarrassed.

More bonespo...

I won't stop trying to lose weight until my body is as skinny as this...

Beachspo...

I don't believe what people say when they decide that 'every body is a beach body'...
There is a reason that I don't wear a bikini on the beach and that is because there is most definitely an unwritten rule. That rule is 'don't wear a bikini on the beach unless you are skinny'...
Which is true, no one on the beach wants to see a fat woman next to a skinny one, no matter how attractive they are. For me, I choose to stay away from shorts and bikini's because I don't want people reacting that way and being disgusted at having to see my half-naked body.

This is one of my reasons for longing to lose weight - so that I can look like the people below and show off my bikini-clad body to everyone who can see when I have lost all the weight.

I am back (again) and ready to lose weight...

I have become so fat and no amount of exercise or healthy eating is helping me to lose weight.... I hate my body so much and I really need to lose weight.

I am planning on intermittent fasting from 8pm to 12pm, which is 16 hours and means that the window I have to eat in will be filled with small meals, which will always come to under 1000 calories.
As I have eaten at 9pm tonight, I will be fasting until 1pm tomorrow, but the longer I can fast - the better.

I graduate in a month and a half, but I really wanted to be 40lbs lighter than I am now and I had hoped that I would lose weight by eating healthily and being good with food. But instead, it appears as though I am going back to my old ways and eating less calories with lots more exercising. Hopefully, I can lose 40lbs quickly, as I have a new job in September and want to make a good impression on my colleagues. 

Reasons to lose weight:

- To look good in a dress (see below) - for events and my job.

- To feel more confident in myself

- To wear a bikini on the beach and not have to cover my body up with baggy clothes because I am too fat to show my body off.

I just want to be happy with my body and losing weight will definitely do that.

After a long time... Thoughts.

I have not posted in ages, because I have been going through some personal things that have prevented me from posting. I have put on like 7lbs since the last time I posted, which is so disgusting, because fasting was really starting to help me to lose weight. That is why tomorrow I am fasting all day and after that I am going to eat small lunches of crackers and fruit. My dinners will be nibbled and thrown away, because I cannot do this to myself anymore. I was looking at old photos of myself the other day and it has occurred to me that I have been this fat for most of my life and I will not stand for it. I cannot let myself get down because I have apparently 'lost' the genetic lottery. That is not how it works, if I work for it, it will happen. I have gained weight and I will hate myself forever over it, but I am going to work for this from now on!.

 I want to look like this girl, with her thigh gap and skinny arms and body. I would die for this body.

I will definitely get my collar bones, my ribs will stick out and my thin thighs.

Another 24 hour fast and a binge, oh my!

Sorry I haven't posted in about a week, I have been super busy.

Binges...

On Thursday I binged on three slices of pizza and felt horribly fat and ugly. I cannot believe I let myself do that, after all of the hard work that I am putting into losing weight and I did that?! Then on Sunday I binged on chocolates... It really is heartbreaking, especially since I have been eating less than 1000 calories every day in between.
But, the only way I can keep myself calm in these situations is by thinking about this quote:

So I have been trying to make it up to myself...

24 hour fast...

This is the only conceivable way in order to lose some of the weight I put on, and actually I lost 1kg according to my scales! It was a lot easier to fast this time, compared to my first, because I was at home - doing Uni work and watching Skins (my new addiction... I am sure Cassie is like my soul mate) - and between both of those things (and playing Animal Crossing), I did 50 minutes of step and dance exercise, which burnt 400 calories that I hadn't even eaten! So that was a great start and I only ate 753 calories because I had to have dinner with my boyfriend or he would kill me.

I made sure I was drinking plenty of lemon water and I had two cups of green tea as well - I am really getting into Green Tea, I would definitely recommend it as it helps to boost your metabolism, as does lemon water and almonds - which are all things I love. Just remember that one almond is 7 calories, so don't eat too many!

So that is one way I have helped myself this week, and I am actually going to do another fast from Wednesday evening to Thursday evening as well, in order to keep the weight off even more.

Sickness...

When I was younger (and much thinner...), I used to feel sick when looking at food, which would help me to avoid it, then I found chocolate and other disgusting things which made me put on even more weight and made me the horribly fat human being I am today.
Anyway, I have adopted that trait once again, which is really helping me to avoid food and I hope to try and encourage it to take it's place in my head again by making me not want to eat and therefore not eat! It does make food shopping a bit difficult, as I cannot look anywhere without seeing food in front of my face.

Considerations...

I am thinking of doing the 2,4,6,8 diet, to try and boost my metabolism and speed up my weight loss even further. I am not sure when I am starting this but I will keep you updated!

Stay strong and beautiful! 

xx